I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
