well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
