You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
