Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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