I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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