Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
