how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
