Cold hands, warm shart.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
