i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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