Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
