this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
