you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
