Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
