Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
