He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
