ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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