Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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