There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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