Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
