I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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