I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
