i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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