How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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