Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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