guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
