I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
