We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
