His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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