very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
