Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
