evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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