I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
