Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
