so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
