Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
