Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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