I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
