please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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