did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Porn is love you can see.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
FUCK WHALES
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
