my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
