so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
