I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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