toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
