I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
