Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
