i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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