I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
