i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
