hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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