i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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